Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
