That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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