You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
