he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
