I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
