Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
