wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
