capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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