Whod you bang
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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