Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
