nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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