I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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