so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
