Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize