Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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