His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
