We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
