he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
