I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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