In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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