Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
