Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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