cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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