It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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