Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
