listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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