Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
