Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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