Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
