Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
