when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
