I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
