i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
