I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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