party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
