I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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