I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize