just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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