I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
