Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
