Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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