somebody snuck up and got me drunk
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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