I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize