Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
