Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
