I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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