i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
