Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
