ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
