I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
