i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize