so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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