next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
