So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
