I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
