Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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