The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
