Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
