Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
