remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
