Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My dick has a subreddit
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
