Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
