I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
