At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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