did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
