Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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