Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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