WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
