I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
