I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
