All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
