The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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