just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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