Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
