Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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