Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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