I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
