I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
