i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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