somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
