I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
