Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
