Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
