Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
