just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize