like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
