I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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