Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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