Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
