My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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