the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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