Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
