Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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