Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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