How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
