Got a toothbrush?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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