My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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