can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
