If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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