we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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