my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
