you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Found your dick twin last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
