we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
