I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
