If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
