there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
