Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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