i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
