i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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