Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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