When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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