roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
