Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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