I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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