I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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