My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
